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Government  Performance Contracting

E.S.P.C.  Definitions ?                     ;-)

 Contractor: An ESPC contractor is a gambler who never gets to shuffle, cut or deal the cards.

 RFP:  A poker game in which the losing hand wins.

 Low Bidder:  A contractor who is wondering what he left out.

 Program Manager:  The conductor of an orchestra in which every musician is in a different
 union and reads the music from a different piece.

 Energy Audit:  An opportunity to discover how much the government lied, after its too
 late to withdraw your bid.

 Critical Path Method:  A management technique for losing your shirt under perfect control.

 OSHA:  A protective coating made by half baking a mixture of fine print, red tape, split
 hairs and baloney; usually applied at random with a cannon.

 M&V:  The method used to discover that the government's staff has disconnected the
 controls and mis-configured the plant when you weren't looking.

 Terms of Payment:  A tourniquet applied at the pockets.

 Penalty Clause:  A plan for convicting the innocent for crimes never committed.

 Liquidated Damages:   A penalty for failing to achieve the impossible.

 Accountants:  Ambulance drivers who require exact change.

 Auditors:  People who go in after the war is lost and bayonet the wounded.

 Lawyers:  People who go in after the auditors and strip the bodies.

 Politicians:  People paid by the lawyers who make it all possible.