Contractor: An ESPC contractor is a gambler who never gets to shuffle, cut or deal the cards.
RFP: A poker game in which the losing hand wins.
Low Bidder: A contractor who is wondering what he left out.
Manager: The conductor of an orchestra in which every musician is in a different
Energy Audit: An opportunity to discover how much the government lied, after its too
Critical Path Method: A management technique for losing your shirt under perfect control.
A protective coating made by half baking a mixture of fine print, red tape,
The method used to discover that the government's staff has disconnected the
Terms of Payment: A tourniquet applied at the pockets.
Penalty Clause: A plan for convicting the innocent for crimes never committed.
Liquidated Damages: A penalty for failing to achieve the impossible.
Accountants: Ambulance drivers who require exact change.
Auditors: People who go in after the war is lost and bayonet the wounded.
Lawyers: People who go in after the auditors and strip the bodies.
Politicians: People paid by the lawyers who make it all possible.